Be Careful What You Wish For.

You hear this being said all the time.  Who hasn’t made a thousand wishes? from blowing out birthday candles, to throwing pennies in a fountain or wishing on a star.  These days I tend to wish on a star for things like ‘Please look after my friend who has Cancer, or ‘Keep my family safe’, or good health etc..

When you’re twenty you are invincible, you think you know it all, when you’re forty that starts to waiver a bit, and going towards sixty you know darned well you know very little about not very much!.    These days I would not wish to be slimmer, incase I got some awful disease.   I don’t wish to win the lottery, money like that usually ruins people in the end.  I do thank my lucky starts for having enough.  Enough good friends that my house is too small to fit them all in, enough food, enough money to enjoy life but not too much to turn my head.  The one thing that is priceless and money can’t buy is good health, when I was young and my wonderful late Mum used to say this to me, I didn’t really get it, I do now.  She would say ‘If your have your health, you have everything’, and how right she was.

So use your wishes wisely, treasure the little things, the ordinary miracles all around you every day and keep faith that everything will be alright in the end.

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My Inspiration

I just read a wonderful blog by ajeanneinthekitchen, one of my favourite bloggers.  It was all about food and the love of it.  My favourite quote was by Sophia Loren:

The most indispensable ingredient of all good home cooking:  love for those you are cooking for

~ Sophia Loren~

I think that is exactly how I feel, I just love to cook.  My late and truly wonderful Mother was a fantastic cook, she used to throw magnificent dinner parties, she would spend all week creating homemade dishes from scratch, my childhood never consisted ever of a ‘ready meal’, how lucky was I !

She taught me so much, right down to how to set a beautiful table, flower arranging, finding out your guests favourite food and drinks etc..  and after she passed away my Father very kindly gave me her favourite china dinner set and her recipe books, she even had a book where she noted what she served to guests on each occasion they would visit, so that they never ate the same food when they next visited.  Of course she kept a perfect house, people used to comment that The Queen of England could pop in at any given time and my Mum would not bat an eyelid!

I have inherited many of her traits, which is mostly wonderful, as long as I try to keep it from becoming too OCD!  I am truly grateful to her for all the qualities she passed on to me, she will always be my biggest and best inspiration.

affection appreciation decoration design

 

 

 

 

Consumed by hate

I am not sure why, or when it started – but my Sister absolutely hates me and it appears to consume her.

Some years ago she decided that I was lying about my husband being exposed to Chicken Pox.  She had just given birth to her third child, and we were unable to visit her and the baby due to my husband having been in a meeting at work with a woman who, the next day, was diagnosed with it.  So obviously we told her the problem and why we had to stay away for two weeks.  Well there was a near riot, she went ballistic, called us liars and many other things I don’t care to publish.  It was so out of the blue, I was convinced she must be having post natal depression.  I think I was wrong as she didn’t speak to me for the next ten years.

Four years ago our Mother died.  In the weeks just before her death my Sister starting getting in touch, short texts etc..  She lives 600 miles away from us all, so I was thinking she was wanting to heal the rift because of Mum and wanted to keep up with how Mum was doing.

As time went by she would telephone sometimes and we even met up for lunch a few times, she appeared to be over her problem with me, which I am still in the dark about.  But for the sake of peace I never brought it up.

My Father sold his house last week and has been asking us if we want this and that, bits of furniture etc..  Sadly there isn’t much of my Mums left, as written in my previous blog about betrayal, he got rid of everything immediately Mum passed away and moved in with his mistress.  My Sister is bitter about that and if I am honest so am I, so she won’t come and visit to see what she would like from the house.  I offered to take photos and send them to her and then we could discuss who would like what, I thought that was only fair.  Then it all went haywire – she asked about a light, which my Dad gave me a couple of years ago, I had always admired it and he offered it, so I said yes.  I did not feel at all guilty as he gave my Sisters daughter my mums very nice car and my Sister got a huge and very valuable diamond ring, my mum had actually willed it to her daughter, but my Sister decided to caretake it, had it resized immediately and now wears it herself.  I never said a word to her or my Dad, but it was hurtful.  My Sister didn’t visit my Mum for a year after her Cancer diagnosis, I went by every week and near the end, every day.

When I told her I had the light she went ballistic (it’s about 30 years old and worth nothing, just sentimental to me).  The stream of abusive texts were unbelievable, she was incandescent with rage, accused me of plundering all that was left, that I was deceitful, vile and much, much worse.  I sent a reply saying I was sorry she felt that way and please tell me what she thinks I have taken?, this made her worse, and she didn’t answer the question, which she couldn’t, because I haven’t been to my Fathers house in a year, nor has he given me anything other than a small glass sweetie bowl, value – zero.

I won’t be answering anymore of her abusive, cruel and disgusting texts and I doubt I will have anything more to do with her.  I like peace.  I like a quiet life.  She can have the entire house contents for all I care.  It’s not worth my peace being shattered and my life being torn apart by her all over again.

I have asked friends why they think she hates me? All have known her as long as me.  All said the same thing, she is a green eyed monster who is jealous to her bones of the loving and close relationship I had with my Mother.  Perhaps if she hadn’t stayed away for years on end, if she had worked at being close to her, she would be a nicer person.  My Mother made a point of never favouring one of us over the other, so I guess it will always remain a mystery as to why my only Sister hates me so much.

“You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.”
Buddha

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
Buddha

 

 

Peace – Highly under rated

What a wonderful two weeks vacation I have just spent with my husband! It was so refreshing to have nothing to do, nowhere to be and all the time in the world to do it in!.

I think the long beach walks morning and afternoon were my favourite activity, and the beach we walked was truly beautiful, walking as the waves lapped over my feet, watching the surf crashing dramatically over the rocks, wind in my face, sun on my shoulders, the best therapy ever!.

It’s always sad to leave a wonderful place, but I also love so much, coming home.  As the saying goes, there is nowhere like it, your own bed, your home comforts, cooking again, gardening again, heaven!

My garden is like a sanctuary to me, mowing, digging, planting, watering, gives me time to think, work out problems, work through things, I am always so happy at the end of a gardening afternoon, I love it when everything looks tidy and pretty, but I also love the feeling of aching muscles, having achieved something and having time to myself, my garden is better than any psychiatrists office, it’s where I find peace, which is priceless.

Wishing all your dear readers a wonderful and happy weekend.

 

I am because we are!

I loved this story so much, I felt it needed passing on, Happy Friday everyone, wishing you UBUNTU x

Collectingpuzzles

Hey friends

Hope you enjoyed your weekend😊

First of all, I want to thank you guys for great love and support to my previous post ‘Long distance friendship ‘ I didn’t expect that much as I got around 60 comments😳 (which are more than enough for me as a new blogger) thank you so much again guys🤗🤗

Today i’m going to share a story with you guys which I read few days back and couldn’t stop myself from sharing it with all of you🤭.The story is all about the motivation behind the African culture. So here it is….

An anthropologist proposed a game to the African tribal children. He placed a basket of sweets near a tree and made the children stand 100 metres away. Then announced that whoever reaches first would get all the sweets from the basket. When he said ‘ready steady go’, can you imagine what…

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An ocean of misery

I promise that my next post will be cheerful, however this past fortnight has been one thing after another, and none of it nice.

It all started with my old friend finding out she had pancreatic cancer, with only three months to live and only 51 years old.  A few weeks ago another very dear friend who beat breast cancer 8 years ago, has found it is back and has spread, she is treatable, but has no idea how long she has, could be months, could be years.  She is currently living life to the full, bless her heart, and good for her.  Next, my uncle died, he had cancer and had been ill for some time.  Last week I find that the lovely older lady that lives three doors from me, has pancreatic cancer and is terminal.  Two weeks ago a lady around the corner suffered an embolism and died.

What is going on around here? I have to say I have shed more than a few tears this last week.

I go on vacation next week with my lovely husband, I am going to sit at the beach, listen to the ocean, drink good wine, eat delicious food and thank my lucky stars for all my blessings.

Wishing you all a very happy and healthy week. xx

 

beach woman sunrise silhouette
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

 

Phased Out

It hasn’t been a good week.  On top of some terrible news, I have come to the realisation that a couple we were very close friends with for over twelve years, have been phasing us out of their lives.  I am deeply saddened.  What makes things worse is that I think we have been phased out because we are of no use to them anymore.

We met this couple, who are older than us by quite a few years, when I started with the company I work for now.  The husband was a Director at this company.  I wasn’t there long when we were invited out to dinner with them.  I work for the company owner.  I’m not a fool, I figured out why they invited us out.  However, as the years went by we were invited to all their family parties and even a couple of Christmases.  We had a genuine friendship with them, or so I thought.  We really enjoyed their company, lots of laughs, home cooked dinners, fun with their grown up families and grandchildren, they made us feel a part of their family, it was so lovely and we so appreciated that.  We don’t have any children of our own, so it was doubly nice to have them all in our lives for all these years.

A few months ago the husband retired.  Since then we have been phased out.  They are quite open about saying there is a Birthday Party, Anniversary etc.. and they are having a dinner or a family get together.  We just simply aren’t asked anymore.

I feel so hurt, could they have done all that just to use me for information at work, which I NEVER GAVE, it would be more than my job was worth.  Or did the guy keep us close as a way of trying to keep track on my boss?.

I’m afraid there really is no other conclusion to reach, is there.

Letter to a dying woman

Before you read this, please may I suggest you read my blog titled ‘Something Unimaginable Happened’, as this is directly related.

How do you write a letter to a dying woman that you haven’t seen in over twenty years?

A year ago yesterday was the one year anniversary of the death of my friends brother.  He died suddenly, his heart gave out, at 54 years old, whilst biking with his friend.  He left behind a wife and son.

As mentioned in the blog I referred to above, his wife was left to care for their son, who is now at University.  Last month she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, she is 51 years old.  She was told it was treatable not curable and she began severe chemotherapy.

Yesterday she was told that the chemo wasn’t helping and causing too much damage to her kidneys.  She has been given three months to live.

She and I were never best friends, but all those years ago we lived in the same house in Miami, as she was marrying my parents friends son.  We spent quite a lot of time together, playing draughts in the late evenings when I would come home from working at the restaurant, sunbathing in the garden, she asked me to teach her English (she was from Italy) and we got along well.  I went to her wedding, it was a beautiful affair, she was a stunning bride.  But I left Florida and came home to the UK, and we lost touch some 27 years ago.  I recently was reunited with her sister-in-law on Facebook, which is how I found out about her illness.  I wanted to reach out to her, but finding the right words was difficult, I heard she wants to live to see her son graduate next spring, I wanted to acknowledge her fight, yet not mention her diagnosis.

This is my letter.

Dearest Francesca

It’s been so long since we have seen each other.

I was so very sad to hear about John.

Recently I found some old diaries from the days when you and I lived together at Jeanne’s, it reminded me of the happy times we shared, how we used to play draughts together when I came home from the restaurant and how we enjoyed sitting outside in the sunshine. Of course, I remember the delicious food you used to cook, those incredible pasta dishes! And the wonderful parties Jeanne used to have, very happy memories from so long ago.

I saw on Facebook what a beautiful Son you and John have, so handsome, you must be so proud of him.

I am so sorry to hear you are not doing well and I would like to send you my love, good thoughts and prayers.

I know I am far away but if there is anything I can help you with, please know that I will.

You are a strong woman, I believe you can do anything you set your mind to do, and your Son is a reflection of what a wonderful Mother you are.

My love and best wishes always

xxx

The Balancing Act

Work life has been a little stressful lately, not in a major way and not to take away from anyone with real problems, but just one of those phases where work isn’t as nice as usual.  I have worked for a family, who have an empire of businesses, for the last 13 years, as their personal assistant.  They are a lovely couple with three children and two step children, all of which are now just into adulthood.  Much of my time over the years has been spent between my office and their home, doing admin, school pick ups, after school clubs etc. and it has been the joy of my life to watch these amazing children grow up.  However, being involved on a personal level with someone else’s family is not without it’s hazard areas!  I am now dealing with seven adults, all be it that three of them are new to adulthood.  All families have clashes and I often find myself being pulled in all directions, each one wanting me to be ‘on their side’, each one sure they are in the right.  Of course often there is no right or wrong, it’s just family life.  I have always done my best to be sympathetic without actually giving them reason to think I stand only with them as individuals.  Not an easy task.  I have had my slip ups, perhaps giving advice to a forlorn teenager, advice they didn’t like, so they manipulated a parent into telling me off for upsetting them, but I always stand firm, they are incredibly privileged people and I make a point of reminding them that I will always tell each of them the truth, sucking up to them will never be an option for me, they have plenty of people already who tell them only what they want to hear.  As you can imagine, it wears me down at times.  I am an emotional person, I take things to heart, so have lost many a nights sleep over the years from the pressure sometimes put upon me.  Lately there is friction between the step children, the siblings and the parents, as they have decided to start another new business and five minutes in they are clashing at every turn.   I must admit, I am not enjoying the tension, poor atmosphere etc.. that this situation is bringing! But I will strive to keep up the balancing act and take care of them all as best as I can!

The Dark Place

Sometime ago I wrote about my dear Mum passing away.  It was almost four years ago.  Last night I felt very sad, this is how I still feel about my Father, because he moved in with another woman the day after my Mum passed.  Everybody thought he was a devoted husband of 53 years, his behaviour has forever changed how I feel about him, these are my thoughts, when I let myself go to the dark place he created, when I stop fighting to stay in the good place.

I am still so haunted by all the things I don’t know, all the secrets you keep.  I am so very angry.  Did Mum know? did she find out? Is that why you both suddenly moved away all those years ago, away from your children and grandchildren?  Did Mum find out and it caused her illness, did the stress bring on the cancer?  Why don’t you have any guilt?  why did you give away all her precious things to Charity straight after the funeral, without offering my sister and I chance to keep things?  Why did you betray her memory?  Why have you no shame?

I can never forgive you, you have wiped out every good childhood memory I had.  All the happiness has been eaten away by your lies, deceit, dishonour and betrayal.  I don’t know who you are.  I am so tired of being so angry.  So tired of not knowing what really went on, so tired of wondering if your behaviour ultimately took my precious Mums life before her time.

After the first two years without my Mum, I decided to stop churning all these thoughts back and forth in my head.  I made a conscious decision that each time I started with these questions, I would have a safe memory to block them out.  It was hard at first, it took practice, but eventually I felt bleak less and less.  Now the dark place only lasts for minutes, occasionally.  I would urge anyone with such deep hurt, depression or darkness they can’t seem to see a way out of, to talk to someone, anyone, a friend, relative, priest or doctor, or me.  It is so important not to go through these things alone.  Once you talk about it, you will find out that you are not alone, many people have struggles and demons.  Don’t suffer in silence.