After Death ?

Three months ago I heard some tragic news, a lovely chap I worked with many years ago, Lawrence, suddenly lost his beautiful (and she was indeed very lovely) wife of thirty five years, Melissa.  All those years ago when I knew them, they were quite the glamorous couple, he was an Air Traffic Controller and she was an Air Stewardess with one of the world wide airlines.   In time he qualified as a commercial Pilot and is still flying the world.  Everyone always referred to her as ‘The lovely Melissa’, because she had the sweetest nature and was a truly decent person, I think when goodness shines out of somebody, others latch onto it very quickly.

They have a son, who is now in his twenties and has a good job in London.  Lawrence and Melissa moved to London many years ago for their careers and remained there.  I heard she had suffered a little with her health over the years, due to Anorexia in her youth.  Apparently she woke up feeling unwell and was in hospital by the afternoon and passed away shortly after, at 52 years old, I am led to believe it was a heart attack.

My heart went out to Lawrence, I haven’t seen either of them for close to thirty years, but all the same I was so shocked, she was so young for such a sudden death, makes you think.

Last week I heard from a very close friend of both myself and Lawrence, that they had seen him for a visit, he told them he was sort of seeing someone, not actually in a relationship, but going to events and the lady stayed in his guest room on occasion.  Apparently he had a sit-down with his Son, who has his own life and home now, and asked him how he felt about him inviting this lady over, he said he was no good alone and needed company.  His Son was most reasonable about it and said it was ok by him, which surprised me a little, well a lot actually, Melissa had only passed away 12 weeks ago.

For me, the biggest surprise is how annoyed I felt ! even though I haven’t seen any of them in years, it stirred up my own bad memories, you see when my Mum passed away almost 5 years ago, my Father had a woman all lined up to take her place, and he started living with her the day after the funeral, all be it in secret at first, surrounding me with lies and half truths about his whereabouts, the deceit went on for months until his lies tripped him up.

What I fail to be able to grasp is this:

The utter lack of respect for the person who has passed away.

No decent period of mourning.

Moving on so fast the grass didn’t even grow beneath their feet.

Lord forbid I lost my lovely Husband, but there is absolutely no way on earth I would show such an utter lack of respect for him and our life together of 23 years and be off with a new chap by the end of the month!

Perhaps I am being old fashioned? unreasonable? My friend. who is also Lawrence’s friend, says she has no problem with him moving on, she has told her Husband and Sons that if she goes, she wants her husband to find someone else straight away if he wants to.  I don’t feel that people should be alone forever after losing a loved one, I just truly believe that honouring their memory is the least that should be done.

Much good health, happiness and long life to you all my friends!