The Eulogy – Advice Needed!

I have been asked to speak at my best friends Fathers funeral next week, and I am extremely nervous about it.  I have never given a eulogy before and I know there are going to be a lot of people there, most of which I have known practically my entire life.  My friend and I met when I was 14 years old, she worked in the coffee shop where I got my first Saturday job, I am 53 now, so I would say she is my oldest friend.  Obviously I want to do an excellent job for my friend and her mother and all the grandchildren.  They are going to put together some memories for me to share and hopefully send me them in the next few days, so I can practice.  If anybody has done this before and can offer me any tips or advice, I would be so very grateful.

Thank you my lovely followers xxx

 

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Do You Know Your Own Strength?

You think you do, but I promise you , you don’t.  Not until something terrible happens.  I always imagined I would be a jibbering wreck, unable to function, if I ever lost my Mum.  But when she passed away I didn’t cry for the longest time, not properly.  I was able to help with all the funeral arrangements, all the paperwork, legal issues etc..  I was told that at the funeral I was composed and dignified, which would have made my Mum so proud.  I was able to talk calmly and with kindness to all her many friends that attended her wake.  It was only a couple of years later that I realised I had dealt with things far better than I could have ever imagined, this only happens when you come out of the other side of grief.  I could not have come through the first year without my lovely Husband Pierre’s support, he was amazing, always listened, looked after me when I cried, when I ranted, when I was quiet, he adored my Mum and she him, so her loss was hard on him also.  It’s only when you look back, when you have come through the misery, the depression and the utter sense of loss, that you realise you had far more strength than you would have ever dreamed of.  So to all of you in that dark place, mourning or grieving, please know, you will be fine, you will get through it and you will come out the other side a stronger and wiser person.

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Times Change.

When I was young we had the most wonderful Christmases.  My amazing Mum made everything home cooked, the house looked beautiful with all the Christmas things she and my Dad had collected on their travels over the years.  Christmas Day was filled with family, food and love.  We ate at lunchtime then in the afternoon their was games, stopping of course at 3pm to watch The Queens annual address to the nation on television.  The atmosphere was so cosy in their house, it really was a special day that I looked forward to every year.  As the years went by my sister moved hundreds of miles away with her family, so it was just my husband and I and my parents (I should mention that my husbands parents passed away many years ago).  We kept up the tradition for many years, taking turns to stay at each others homes.  But, times change, my lovely Mum passed away over four years ago now, and as you may have read in previous blogs, my Father moved on immediately with another woman.  Because of that I am unable to have anything to do with her, I feel I would be betraying my Mum, like he did, so Christmas is just the two of us.  At first I dreaded it, not because my husband and I don’t get along, we are fantastic pals, but I was so used to a houseful of people, fun, laughter and socialising.  As it happens we were invited to friends for Christmas Day a couple of times, they had a house full of kids, grand kids etc.. It was a lot of fun, very busy!  But the last two years it’s just been the two of us, AND it has been wonderful! I make sure we have all our favourite foods in, nice wine and champers, and we have a lovely day together.  We get up and dressed nicely, at 11.30am we have a glass of champagne and open our gifts, Christmas music and carols playing in the background, as you can imagine we spoil each other rotten!  We have a light lunch of something decadent, this year will be scallops on black pudding with minted pea puree and home made bread.  In the afternoon we play board games or cards, for money (pennies!!!).  At 4.30pm there is a little happy hour with beautiful nibbles from a fancy store, we eat at 6.30pm, this year it will be fillet steak with whisky cream sauce (home made, Pierre is an excellent cook), garlic sauté potatoes and asparagus.  we are not dessert people but there is homemade Christmas cake and cheeses for later.  We watch a movie, chat, enjoy some nice wine and that’s the day over before your know it!  We keep saying we’ll take a walk in the afternoon, never happens! We do of course still watch The Queen at 3pm.  People feel sorry for us being just the two at Christmas, but we love it and turn down all invites now to enjoy our special Christmas Day.

Wishing you all dear readers a lovely Thanksgiving and holiday season, Whatever your country, or faith or belief, may you be as lucky as Pierre and I!

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What Matters Most.

This is different for every single human being on this planet.  And it is something that can change for each person on a very fluid basis.

So what matters most to you? If you answer honestly, you will find the meaning of your life to you.

I find the list is not short, and it is difficult to prioritise.  So in no particular order my top five:

My husband , our life, our health, trying to be kind, living a good and honest life.

This is now, ten years ago it was probably different, in ten years time it may have changed again.  Life is full of uncertainty, so I will keep wishing on shooting stars and four leaf clovers, and be grateful for all I have.

Incidentally if your list starts with money, power, or world domination, It might be time for a serious rethink of your priorities!

And if you want things really putting into perspective, my dear friends son, who is 28 years old and spent his childhood overcoming birth defects, became a teacher, now has been diagnosed with stage 4 Cancer.

Be grateful for everything in your life, every single day.

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Be Careful What You Wish For.

You hear this being said all the time.  Who hasn’t made a thousand wishes? from blowing out birthday candles, to throwing pennies in a fountain or wishing on a star.  These days I tend to wish on a star for things like ‘Please look after my friend who has Cancer, or ‘Keep my family safe’, or good health etc..

When you’re twenty you are invincible, you think you know it all, when you’re forty that starts to waiver a bit, and going towards sixty you know darned well you know very little about not very much!.    These days I would not wish to be slimmer, incase I got some awful disease.   I don’t wish to win the lottery, money like that usually ruins people in the end.  I do thank my lucky starts for having enough.  Enough good friends that my house is too small to fit them all in, enough food, enough money to enjoy life but not too much to turn my head.  The one thing that is priceless and money can’t buy is good health, when I was young and my wonderful late Mum used to say this to me, I didn’t really get it, I do now.  She would say ‘If your have your health, you have everything’, and how right she was.

So use your wishes wisely, treasure the little things, the ordinary miracles all around you every day and keep faith that everything will be alright in the end.

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My Inspiration

I just read a wonderful blog by ajeanneinthekitchen, one of my favourite bloggers.  It was all about food and the love of it.  My favourite quote was by Sophia Loren:

The most indispensable ingredient of all good home cooking:  love for those you are cooking for

~ Sophia Loren~

I think that is exactly how I feel, I just love to cook.  My late and truly wonderful Mother was a fantastic cook, she used to throw magnificent dinner parties, she would spend all week creating homemade dishes from scratch, my childhood never consisted ever of a ‘ready meal’, how lucky was I !

She taught me so much, right down to how to set a beautiful table, flower arranging, finding out your guests favourite food and drinks etc..  and after she passed away my Father very kindly gave me her favourite china dinner set and her recipe books, she even had a book where she noted what she served to guests on each occasion they would visit, so that they never ate the same food when they next visited.  Of course she kept a perfect house, people used to comment that The Queen of England could pop in at any given time and my Mum would not bat an eyelid!

I have inherited many of her traits, which is mostly wonderful, as long as I try to keep it from becoming too OCD!  I am truly grateful to her for all the qualities she passed on to me, she will always be my biggest and best inspiration.

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Consumed by hate

I am not sure why, or when it started – but my Sister absolutely hates me and it appears to consume her.

Some years ago she decided that I was lying about my husband being exposed to Chicken Pox.  She had just given birth to her third child, and we were unable to visit her and the baby due to my husband having been in a meeting at work with a woman who, the next day, was diagnosed with it.  So obviously we told her the problem and why we had to stay away for two weeks.  Well there was a near riot, she went ballistic, called us liars and many other things I don’t care to publish.  It was so out of the blue, I was convinced she must be having post natal depression.  I think I was wrong as she didn’t speak to me for the next ten years.

Four years ago our Mother died.  In the weeks just before her death my Sister starting getting in touch, short texts etc..  She lives 600 miles away from us all, so I was thinking she was wanting to heal the rift because of Mum and wanted to keep up with how Mum was doing.

As time went by she would telephone sometimes and we even met up for lunch a few times, she appeared to be over her problem with me, which I am still in the dark about.  But for the sake of peace I never brought it up.

My Father sold his house last week and has been asking us if we want this and that, bits of furniture etc..  Sadly there isn’t much of my Mums left, as written in my previous blog about betrayal, he got rid of everything immediately Mum passed away and moved in with his mistress.  My Sister is bitter about that and if I am honest so am I, so she won’t come and visit to see what she would like from the house.  I offered to take photos and send them to her and then we could discuss who would like what, I thought that was only fair.  Then it all went haywire – she asked about a light, which my Dad gave me a couple of years ago, I had always admired it and he offered it, so I said yes.  I did not feel at all guilty as he gave my Sisters daughter my mums very nice car and my Sister got a huge and very valuable diamond ring, my mum had actually willed it to her daughter, but my Sister decided to caretake it, had it resized immediately and now wears it herself.  I never said a word to her or my Dad, but it was hurtful.  My Sister didn’t visit my Mum for a year after her Cancer diagnosis, I went by every week and near the end, every day.

When I told her I had the light she went ballistic (it’s about 30 years old and worth nothing, just sentimental to me).  The stream of abusive texts were unbelievable, she was incandescent with rage, accused me of plundering all that was left, that I was deceitful, vile and much, much worse.  I sent a reply saying I was sorry she felt that way and please tell me what she thinks I have taken?, this made her worse, and she didn’t answer the question, which she couldn’t, because I haven’t been to my Fathers house in a year, nor has he given me anything other than a small glass sweetie bowl, value – zero.

I won’t be answering anymore of her abusive, cruel and disgusting texts and I doubt I will have anything more to do with her.  I like peace.  I like a quiet life.  She can have the entire house contents for all I care.  It’s not worth my peace being shattered and my life being torn apart by her all over again.

I have asked friends why they think she hates me? All have known her as long as me.  All said the same thing, she is a green eyed monster who is jealous to her bones of the loving and close relationship I had with my Mother.  Perhaps if she hadn’t stayed away for years on end, if she had worked at being close to her, she would be a nicer person.  My Mother made a point of never favouring one of us over the other, so I guess it will always remain a mystery as to why my only Sister hates me so much.

“You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.”
Buddha

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
Buddha

 

 

Peace – Highly under rated

What a wonderful two weeks vacation I have just spent with my husband! It was so refreshing to have nothing to do, nowhere to be and all the time in the world to do it in!.

I think the long beach walks morning and afternoon were my favourite activity, and the beach we walked was truly beautiful, walking as the waves lapped over my feet, watching the surf crashing dramatically over the rocks, wind in my face, sun on my shoulders, the best therapy ever!.

It’s always sad to leave a wonderful place, but I also love so much, coming home.  As the saying goes, there is nowhere like it, your own bed, your home comforts, cooking again, gardening again, heaven!

My garden is like a sanctuary to me, mowing, digging, planting, watering, gives me time to think, work out problems, work through things, I am always so happy at the end of a gardening afternoon, I love it when everything looks tidy and pretty, but I also love the feeling of aching muscles, having achieved something and having time to myself, my garden is better than any psychiatrists office, it’s where I find peace, which is priceless.

Wishing all your dear readers a wonderful and happy weekend.

 

I am because we are!

I loved this story so much, I felt it needed passing on, Happy Friday everyone, wishing you UBUNTU x

Collectingpuzzles

Hey friends

Hope you enjoyed your weekend😊

First of all, I want to thank you guys for great love and support to my previous post ‘Long distance friendship ‘ I didn’t expect that much as I got around 60 comments😳 (which are more than enough for me as a new blogger) thank you so much again guys🤗🤗

Today i’m going to share a story with you guys which I read few days back and couldn’t stop myself from sharing it with all of you🤭.The story is all about the motivation behind the African culture. So here it is….

An anthropologist proposed a game to the African tribal children. He placed a basket of sweets near a tree and made the children stand 100 metres away. Then announced that whoever reaches first would get all the sweets from the basket. When he said ‘ready steady go’, can you imagine what…

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